Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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