I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize