Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
