I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
