Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
