I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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