Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
