yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
