I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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