I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
