i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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