Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
