The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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