pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
