It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
