the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
