So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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