So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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