We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
