Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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