I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
