Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
