If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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