Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
