so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
