only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
