Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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