Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
