college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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