Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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