Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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