the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
