she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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