oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
