That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
