Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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