she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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