Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
