So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
