so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
