I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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