State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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