Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize