I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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