I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
