she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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