all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
