i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize