I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
