Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize