I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
soo... how was my night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
