Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
