she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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