Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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