her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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