my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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