Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
