I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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