I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
