There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
