It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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