I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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