If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
BRING THE BAGELS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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