your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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