This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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