No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
