Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
