I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
