chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
