Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and she was petting her beer can
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize