1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
