are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
