But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
