don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
