dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize