ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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