i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
