it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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