Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
