I cannot find my penis.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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