swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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