He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my poor anus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
