do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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