Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
