if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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