dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
where are my eyebrows?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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