my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
