you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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