I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
