I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
