I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
