Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
