Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
