Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
