I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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