hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
