I need help removing her.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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