she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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