We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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