he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
