We won't sleep together?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
