i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
