My liver just broke up with me...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
