saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
