My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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