So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize