absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
