You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
