I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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