I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
