walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
